Friday, December 6, 2013

People

What makes a person interesting? More importantly, is it important to be interesting? If you're not, does that make you a lesser human being, less worthy, less deserving?

My real question is "what makes a person worthy"? Worthy of what you ask? Anything. Life, happiness. I'm constantly feeling like I'm less important than everyone and that I somehow have to earn every shred of attention and appreciation. As though that isn't a damaging belief enough, worse is that I've no idea how to become worthy. The closest I've come to an answer is by being interesting. And that is where the problem lies.

How interesting you find a person is subjective, which is good I guess. If there was a measure for it, being uninteresting would be something unavoidable for most people. It would mean that being yourself wouldn't cut it, you would have to adopt habits and a way of life that doesn't express you in order to conform to a certain standard. Could you ever do that? Could you while knowing that you won't be happy? I don't think most people could. So, good thing we live in a world when there are as many measures for interesting as there are people, right?

No, not if most people are boring. Or rather, most people think you are boring. It's usually a mutual feeling. It's bad, but it's even worse when it's not mutual. If a person you think is boring thinks you're interesting, they're a bother, if it's the other way round, it hurts.

So really, how can one be interesting in a way that will appeal to the general public while also being happy? That means not pretending to be someone else or like things you don't. Even if you find people with common interests, it doesn't mean much. There's a certain undefined chemistry that can develop between people even if they have little and common, and others who have load in common have only that and nothing more.

I know that there are people that consider me a lesser friend than others. I'm not as important to them as these other people are. And it hurts. I can't blame the lack of common interests, though it doesn't help, but rather a lack of chemistry. That chemistry is more important than common interests and it's also harder to develop. Makes sense, since it's harder to put your finger on it. What is it really? Is it an understanding? Does it stem from similar experiences?

I don't know what to do to earn a more important place in people's hearts. Doing the same for them won't work, I know that much. Liking people more won't necessarily make them like you back. Unfortunately.

I don't feel like most people find me interesting. Despite the difference in interests, I'm not too funny, I'm not confident, I'm not... good enough? I don't know what it is I lack, but I feel like I lack something. I'm not happy with the amount of attention friends and acquaintances give me, but being as unsociable and hard to talk to as I am, I can't complain. Most of all, I feel like I have no right to complain or feel sad about it or want good friends. Probably what I need is a sense of self worth... I used to think you had to do something to earn it. Now I think it's something you either have or you don't. In some rare cases, you can build it.

But that brings me back to my original question; what do I have to do to be worthy? Is it all in my head? Am I supposed to automatically feel like I have the same right as other people to pursue the friendships and relationships that I want? Would that mean that it has less to do with how interesting I am as a person and more to do with how I feel about myself and how determined I am? After all, people are drawn to the energy you exude, not your personality.

4 comments:

  1. This train of thought got me thinking a bit - I realized that while from my humanist point of view every human being should have the right to live and be happy, I have to admit that on a personal level, I am somewhat selective in my circle of friends - a lot of people do not keep my interest on an intellectual level, so I tend to classify them as boring, to use your words. It is a bit of a double standard, but then, putting people in the boring category doesn't mean they deserve less, just a personal choice.
    To be fair, I found that most people are interesting in some way or another, but it takes time to find the particular thing that interests you. The older both sides are, the easier it gets in a way, because they have had more experiences in general.

    however, I have to say that I don't agree with you further along in your post - sure, common interests are not all-important, but the chemistry you talk about I find to be rather to be something like a mindset, a very general way of looking at things...without similarities in that, in my experience it is hard to find common ground for anything. Doesn't have to be the same particular interests or experiences, but more something like a general willingness to accept each others thoughts, to discuss or share things. I think this is something very individual in each case, and not applicable to a general group in a single way. While personality and experience certainly plays a part in the process of finding a friend, so do a plethora of other factors, even down to random chance - like the right topic of conversation on a first meeting. I don't think there is that much you can actively do to generate a friendship with a particular person, beyond some tolerance for their faults.

    I guess its a different view from a different person, but hey, thats what comments are for, right?

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    1. Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it! I think you're right. I'd only add that there is probably also a slight similarity in some aspects of the character of people who get along well, which helps them "get" each other better.

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  2. I agree with anonymous above. I just want to add, chemistry and interest are not always instant nor are they constant. Different persons are being put in different situations where - as anonymous said - many factors, usually subjective, play a role in order to find chemistry or interest, . Also something very important is that inevitably ,most people change, other less other more, because experiences in life is something that effects people. So in the end, my opinion is, a person should put itself in different situations (I don't necessarily mean crazy stuff but also everyday things) meet people and get experiences in it's life.


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    1. Agree with everything, including the suggestion of exposing oneself to a wider range of experiences. The only problem with that is that it's very difficult and nerve racking, especially for people with few friends (those are the ones that are usually closed off from experiences and stuff).

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